POLL: Who Would You Rather Bang — Hemingway or Fitzgerald?

Who Would You Rather Bang — Hemingway or Fitzgerald?Market Research

Before I alpha this article, I’d just like to say something actually apprenticed — no homo. Okay, now that we’ve gotten that out of the way, we can alpha the complete article.

Not that I don’t abutment the gays in the… gay things that they do. But this arrangement is meant as a accessory breadth to my advanced “Sylvia Plath or Anne Sexton — Who Would You Rather Fuck?” article. So acquire this to be a little something for the ladiez. (You are welcome, ladiez.) Also, in acclimation to abode this article, I had to repress my abounding abhorrence for Ernest Hemingway (as a person, not as a writer; he’s an acquire writer). So, you are aswell adequate for that. Now let’s actuate the complete article.

_______________

FITZGERALD OR HEMINGWAY — WHO WOULD YOU RATHER FUCK?

_______________

Ernest Hemingway

D.O.B: July 21, 1899

Place of birth: Oak Park, Illinois

Cause of death: Committed suicide via shotgun, in 1961. Hemingway died in his abode in Idaho, of all places. He comatose himself because he was affliction from writer’s block and believed that he wouldn’t be able to abode anymore. He had advanced acclimatized to achieve suicide by walking into the spinning ballista of an airplane. His wife knew that he was suicidal, but larboard him abandoned with a shotgun, because she believed that “a man should acquire a gun.”

…Did he like to party?: Yes, he admired to party.

Favorite drink: Daiquiris, which is actually pussy-ish for a “man’s man” like Hemingway. However, at the time, daiquiris were a new drink, just again conflicting from Cuba, so this is the affiliated of Hemingway accepting actually into mojitos or the latest abreast martini o’ the month.

Fun facts about Ernest Hemingway: Pretty abounding every achievement about Ernest Hemingway is a “fun fact.” He volunteered for annual in World War I and was blood-soaked on the Italian front, again fell in applause with his nurse. Later on, he boxed, bolter big game, was a war contributor during World War II, and survived a even bang in Africa. And aswell — oh yeah — he got affiliated six times.

But did he acquire a big penis?: Yeah, probably. Unless he was lying and overcompensating with all the wars, hunting, and action and shit. Afterwards Fitzgerald was dead, Hemingway wrote a annual in which he yapped about how Fitzgerald had a babyish penis, and again talked about how he — Mr. Big Cock Hemingway — reassured him about this. Of course, Hemingway waited until Scottie was dead to abode this — which is affectionate of a dick move, so to speak.

Was he an asshole?: Oh, yeah. Such an asshole. Fitzgerald was the beforehand and added acclaimed writer, and about jump-started Hemingway’s career for him. Hemingway repaid Scottie by accepting an asshole to him for the draft of his life. On the added hand, some girls like jerks, so this adeptness be an allure for banging him. To adduce the cine The Last Days of Disco: “Women acquire ‘bad’… to bloodless and incompetent.”

What was his best book?: The Sun Aswell Rises, which coined the adage “The Lost Generation,” which was arrangement of the “Generation X” of its day. This was his ancient novel. It aswell happened to be the abandoned aberant breadth Hemingway agitated to accomplish an complete three-dimensional capricious character: afterwards this, he afflicted to two-dimensional brand whose job was to bend about and yap about how hot and alarming and manly Hemingway’s basic actualization was. …But again again, girls do like jerks — so, um, see above.

What’s a acclaimed adduce by Hemingway?: “A man can be destroyed but not defeated.” …Which is a archetypal Hemingway quote, acclimatized that all his books are about men… man. All his books are aswell about bodies advancing abut cool odds: advancing abut a hopeless war, or to bolt a gigantic fish, and so on and so forth. …Note aswell that this adduce is cryptic incomprehensible and meaningless. …A man can be destroyed but not defeated. Acquire then. But you could changeabout “destroyed” and “defeated,” and the adduce would still ambrosial abounding be the same. Does this adduce abject anything? Nothing? Something? It arrangement of bureau something but it’s alarmingly abutting to acceptation nothing.

What affectionate of lover would he be?: Well, as I mentioned, Hemingway was affiliated six times — which either bureau that he was a super-stud, or that he was abundant to be around. Also, based on annual his biography, I apperceive this alarming achievement about Hemingway — he didn’t “believe” in masturbation, and banned to do it. So he had a lot of pent-up action to put into sex. Anyway, as we acquire seen, Hemingway admired to travel. So he’d allegedly be the affectionate of dude who would crop you on an agitative even cruise to some amazing restaurant in, say, Barcelona, one that abandoned the locals had anytime heard of. You’d eat an amazing meal, and again you’d acquire to sit about while he smoked cigars and talked about what a big lasagna he was. Again he’d crop you ashamed to the auberge for some retro-style, silence-slash-grunting-style sex. …So: adequate times? Bad times?

12»